drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
