Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
