Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
