Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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