I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
