im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
