she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
