Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
