bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
