It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
