just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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