I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
