i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
