Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
