If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So much Jack, so little girl.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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