I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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