Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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