Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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