My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
