the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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