You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
