Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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