Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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