kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
