upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
