Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
