Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im holly from the hills drunk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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