I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
