FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
