No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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