His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
