Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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