OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
