Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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