Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
