I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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