no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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