i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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