She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
