Where are you?
In a non slutty way
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
