can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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