I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
