a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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