I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We're too hungover to prance.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
