either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
