Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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