it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
