we have pet lesbian snakes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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