.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
