Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
