Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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